This post is going to be a little bit different. For those of you who don’t like change I totally understand. However, change is something I’ve been dealing with quite frequently, and maybe you’ll be able to take something from the struggles and lessons I’ve learned.
That small, four letter word above (five letters in Spanish ;) is the reason I’ve been having a hard time with my recent changes: FEAR.
Normally most people wouldn’t think of me as a fearful person. After all, this is the girl who drives a motorcycle, skydives, and is willing to try almost anything new. However, I’ve come to realize that despite my love for new things and new adventures, I am still a sinful human. The devil knows my weaknesses and he loves to slip in wherever he can and plant his little bombs. Right now I’m recovering and fighting this one called fear. Maybe you’ve heard of it.
I didn’t fully recognize this fear in my life until Caro (the middle daughter) sort of pointed it out to me. I had just gotten back from helping at a camp in the mountains. Vero and I, along with six other young adults, spent two days helping a group of orphan kids hear about God’s love for them (in a camp setting). Caro and I were talking about how it went and she said that she had talked to a friend of hers, who was also leading at the camp with me, and he had mentioned that I was super quiet, not talkative, and almost rude. I was pretty shocked by this, and a little offended, but after reflecting on it, I realized that there was some truth to his observation.
Yes, I was quiet, not super talkative, but it was not because I was trying to be mean or rude. I thought it was more from me adjusting to the culture, not being able to fully communicate, and just trying to take everything in. Those were my original thoughts, but I slowly began to see that my quietness, reserved nature, etc. were all ways to hide the deep down fear that has been wrestling inside of me.
Instead of making an effort to communicate verbally I have relied a whole lot on non-verbal language. My smile can only get me so far ;) I have hidden behind this because I feel scared to make myself vulnerable and say something wrong, or risk the fact that people won’t understand what I am really trying to say.
God did not bring me all this way so I could just “listen in” on the culture. My primary reason is to make a difference in the lives of students, by student teaching in a 2nd grade classroom. But, God has also provided me with the opportunity to live with a Costa Rican family, experience Costa Rican life, and see Costa Rica. Within these opportunities are even more opportunities to shine the love of Christ, but this is not easy to do when I’m spending all my time wrestling with fear.
Amy Carmichael stated it best throughout her devotional on “Infectious Fear.”
“You can refuse the spirit of fear, which never comes to us from God. Instead, open your heart wide to the Spirit of ‘power and love and a calm and well-balanced mind, and discipline and self-control’ (2 Timothy 1:7).
When we are downhearted or fearful or weak, we are saying to everybody (by the way we look and by our timidity, if not by our words) ‘After all, the Lord can’t be absolutely trusted.’
We have a Savior who has never once failed us. He will never fail us. He has loved and led and guarded us all these years. Look to Him now, and pray from the barren bedrock of your heart, if that is the ‘ground’ you are standing on.”
Amen to that! 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
I learned the other day that “teleos” is the greek word for “perfect.” It means, “complete, full grown, developing.” Fear is not helping me grow towards perfection, or even developing me. Yes, I am a work in progress, but this work in progress needs to keep progressing without the burden of fear hanging on.
Lord, help me to cross the battle-line of fear that is drawn across the ground of my soul. You are for me, and nothing can stand against me!
************And now after that weighty reflection, here are some pictures and even a few video clips of what I’ve been busy doing******************
Mani & Marjo took me downtown San Jose to see some of the sights. Here are a some pictures of the sights I saw/experienced.
Evelyn took me with her mother, sister (and her three boys), and friend to see some of the sights. We were going to see the Volcan Irazu, but unfortunately the weather was too bad...but I still saw some amazing sights.
Now on to the special children I got to work with for two days!!! I am not exactly sure what orphanage they were from, but I hopped on a bus with Vero, which contained 30 orphans, two leaders, and six other young adult leaders. We went up into the mountains and spent two days at a camp, where we sang Christian songs, played fun games, and ate a lot of rice and beans.
This is my 1st time doing videos, so we'll have to see if they work out, but this video is of the kids playing a game called, "Chicky-Chicky-Chi-Chicky-Chi..." The spelling is definitely wrong, but that is how it sounds :) Basically one person starts the game by singing that chant, and does a dance move. Everyone starts chanting along and the next person copies the 1st person's dance moves. Meanwhile, the 1st person adds another move, and this continues until someone in the circle messes up the previous dance move. It gets crazy, but it is a lot of fun to watch (and participate in!).
This is one of the many hand games we played. I never really caught on to the song, but it was kind of similar to the game (21) I taught them. ***And you can briefly see me playing tag in the background.
(However, since I run at the speed of light it is only a brief glimpse ;)
***Funny story: When we 1st arrived at the camp the leaders were divided up into different cabins. I was walking with Vero and some of the kids and she started laughing. I asked her why she was laughing and she said, "The girls are all fighting over who gets to be in the cabin with 'la rubia americana'-the blonde American girl." I don't think I've ever been called a blonde before :)
And last but not least...I have a few cultural awareness pictures/thoughts to leave you with.
Costa Rica 101:
If someone sneezes you say, "Salud."
This is starting to become 2nd nature to me...so don't be offended if, when I return to the states, you sneeze and get a "salud" instead of "God bless you."
Yes, this is a toilet (it also happens to be the toilet in my bathroom...but the maid just cleaned, so no worries).
Unfortunately my previous bathroom encounters from Brazil did not help me out with Costa Rica's bathroom customs.
Each bathroom comes with its own garbage, in which you toss your toilet paper in. Layman's terms: you don't flush toilet paper.
After the plumber visited, I was reminded of this cultural piece. Ooops! But, like my mom said, "Just be glad they at least have toilet paper! You could be using your hand." Words of encouragement :)
***Finally, I leave you with this typical Costa Rican phrase:
Pura vida****
Pura vida****
